Natural Blues

It has been a while since I last wrote (also available via audio below) - too much of gap for my liking - and something I need to remedy moving forward. Getting into a more regular rhythm will help me on my journey. I know that. But I am also aware that I go in cycles sometimes where it is just easier to keep quiet and not act. Just stay silent and move on through.

This is something I have done all my life. Tried hard to fight myself internally and hope it will be okay. Some people can succeed like that. I am not strong enough to. It is okay to admit that. As soon as you say something like “I am not strong enough” people jump on you to tell you that you are. From a positive perspective obviously. But you know what - some people just aren’t. For whatever reason they cannot get on top of their internal conflicts and be okay. I am one of them. I need to let it out. Talk it through. Open up. I do that through talking to my trusted group. I also do that via writing. I need to do it more often to help break the cycle.

My default setting for years would be to punish myself for not being in a regular rhythm when it comes to my writing. I would see it as yet another failure. This time, it is slightly different - which I think is a sign of progress. This time I am reminding myself to take care of myself. By writing. By opening up. Because my subconscious is aware of the benefits this has brought me. It is like watering a plant. I just haven’t watered myself enough of late.

I have said many times before that assistance with mental health is lagging way behind that of physical health. The pressures we all face on a day to day basis impact our minds, bodies and our souls. They can make being at peace really hard. Changes in our lives. Money pressures. Seeing people struggle. Conflict. Parenting. Making decisions. Eating the right things. Not doing enough exercise. Leading. These are all aspects of every day life that each bring with them their own level of pressure. A demand that is placed on the brain. That needs mental capacity to deal with. Which in turn has physiological impacts. It is an endless cycle. If you then add on how your own mind interprets what is happening it becomes exhausting. Everyday feelings become harder to deal with. Self assessment becomes skewed. Most tasks become challenging. This is where the importance of mental health awareness comes into play. Knowing when you are feeling that you are dealing with too much - that you are struggling to cope is really important and we often don’t know our internal warning signs - and if we do - we try and get through them.

That recognition of where you are is super important - and hard to get to. I needed a lot of help (and still do) to keep me in check. What is equally important - is getting the help you need to give you enough time to breathe again. This is a very personal situation - where I believe there is no set remedy. There are so many tools / methods you could employ to help - but discovering what works for you can be a long process that you must persist with. No one else is going to know what works best for you - they can point you in the right direction and make suggestions but it is only you that can figure out what has the impact you need. After all - it is only you that knows what is going on within. Well - it is you who is most likely to know. Or if you believe Moby, which is a really crap segway into the title of this blog- “Don’t nobody know my troubles but God”

Moby is an artist that I have liked since the mid 90s when his album Everything is Wrong came out. He isn’t for everyone and occasionally divides opinion but some of his tracks are go to’s for me - including Natural Blues - which is the title of this blog of course. Natural Blues is a song I listen to when I am feeling a bit stuck mentally. When I cannot articulate where I am in my mind. Where I can’t point to a fix. Probably when I have taken on too much or am dealing with something that isn’t making me happy. Or potentially is beyond my control. It isn’t a song which challenges me emotionally like some of the others I have written about. It kind of sets a perspective for me - which is useful. It might be my draw a line in the sand song that says right - this is how we are going to deal with this and helps me move forward. It reminds me that opening up is a way out for me. That I can get some instant relief by unburdening. So it is a song that drives me to those I trust. And it is now a song that drives me to my writing.

Oh lordy, trouble so hard
Oh lordy, trouble so hard
Don't nobody know my troubles but God
Don't nobody know my troubles but God

Went down the hill the other day
My soul got happy and stayed all day
Went down the hill the other day
My soul got happy and stayed all day

Sometimes simplicity of music and lyrics give me clarity of purpose. I feel this right here. I listen to this and my interpretation is:

• Things are a bit too much right now

• No one knows because I am keeping it to myself

• That is making it harder and isn’t working for me

• Remember being open helps you so go down the hill

• Open up - it has helped you and your soul before

Now - most of you will look at think I am talking bullshit. That is your choice. I know my interpretations - and that is what i make here. It has, over time, become a trigger for me that I need to do what I know helps me. So I do it.

I am not in a position to provide advice on something as complex as mental health. That is not the purpose of my blog. The purpose is to help me have an outlet and share my journey. I hope it might help other people. But it is not here to advise.

What I would say is I have really benefitted from being more open. Identifying my inner circle that I can be open with, took a long, long time. Discovering writing - and using this medium took forever. I have never written anything before this (as you can all tell no doubt) but it really helps me. It makes such a difference. Journaling is something I have also done. It is like writing something down / or talking let’s you see it differently. It takes the burden off your mind and puts it on a page. Or out into the open world. It is something I used to be afraid of and it took a big step to be open - but it was worth it. And it continues to be worth it. For me - it works / worked. It may not always be like that - but for now it is.

So, if anyone is reading this and wants to open up but is struggling - I am always here - if you want to reach out. No questions. No judgement. Just ears and a shoulder to lean on.

Thanks for reading.

Love

JT

xxx