Consideration

I find myself writing this in the middle of the night, wide awake. I’m sure, like many of you, the last few weeks have been incredibly troubling and confusing. Wars are raging in many parts of the world. People are dispersed from their homes and loved ones. Yet we try and carry on like normal. Power through. Because if we don’t, then what?

Sometimes, it’s the most innocent views and comments that make you stop and consider aspects of life in a different way. Often it is children who do that. I am blessed to have 2 amazing, beautiful and delightful children (aged 6 and 11) - who are just so kind and thoughtful. They are always helping other kids out and making sure people are okay. I am so incredibly proud of them. They have such empathy at that age which moves me. They are aware of what is happening at the moment, it is spoken about in the playground and they want to know what it means and what is going to come next. I do my best to answer. What can I possibly say. I haven’t got the answers myself so I try as hard as I can. But I’m honest. I don’t want to lie to them. The question that flawed me and leads me to be laying awake in the middle of the night was the hardest to answer. Yet the simplest. “Daddy. Why can’t people just be kind to each other?” I mean, wow. I answer thousands of questions a day. But that one, I had nothing. I got around it by saying that is a good question and starting to play a game to distract them, because honestly, I just don’t know.

So. Why can’t people just be kind to each other? Why does the world continue to plunge itself into disaster and madness. People trampling over each other to get a better existence. I don’t want this to be a political debate. I can’t remove my anger and emotion from politics to have a sensible conversation. I want to look at it on a purely human level. It is something that has troubled me for years. I mentioned before that having a lot of empathy sometimes means I over analyse or over expect so I am going to try and remove my empathy tinted glasses from this for now.

For me and the generation I was born into, I believe that in some circles, kindness was seen as a weakness. Especially as a guy. If some guys sensed kindness or compassion or emotion in you then you were just an oddball. An outcast. The way you get pigeon holed. The names you are called. The abuse you got. Just for trying to give a shit and caring - was pretty incredible at times. It still goes on. I found it hard discovering myself. I think I only started to find myself in the last few years. I know at times I betrayed myself just to try and fit in. I really hate that I did that. I let myself down. I never want my kids to do that. I never want to do that to myself again. I never had the confidence to just be me. I still don’t in lots of circles, but I deal with it differently. I don’t change who I am, but I disengage from those areas and move away mentally.

For me, kindness has never been a weakness. It is a sign of great strength. It can heal. It can help. It can drive people forward. Get people back on track. Humans are led by their own wants. Insecurities. Beliefs. But if they stopped, took a breath, thought about the impact of their words and actions, then maybe, just maybe things might get a little bit better. Starting with not judging someone negatively because they are kind and caring or compassionate. If people reacted positively to those traits then potentially positivity might thrive.

I think the song I selected for this piece says it better than I ever could. Consideration by Reef came out in 1997 when I was living in France and going through some challenges with who I was. I was far from comfortable in my own skin back then (I mean I am still not) but I was totally lost, and this song was the one I listened to on repeat. The “It’s gonna be alright bit” at the end almost became like an affirmation to me.

Those words were always a comfort. But you know what? Right now I don’t know if it’s gonna be alright. The way humans are going I don’t know if we are going to be okay. I worry about what the world will be like for my kids when I’m gone, and their kids. What are we teaching them? What are we leaving behind? Every generation just seems to make it worse. OK we don’t all create war, but we all have the capabilities to have an impact.

I believe we all have a responsibility to try and drive positive change. I believe we can start to create a tidal wave of kindness that can make a difference. It is easy to be cynical here and say bullshit, but it is worth a try. I know I am going to double my efforts to be a better, more considerate person in every aspect of my life.

We need to be aware of the impact we have on people. The environment we operate in have endless possibilities. We also don’t know how people are or what they are feeling. The way we talk to each other carries more than words. Challenge yourself listen. Listening is the greatest trait in the world, but is a hard skill to master, so try to be an active listener.

Ultimately, people will be what they want to be. We have the ability to make our thoughts become reality. I know what I want to be, and what I am working to. I want to be there for people. I want to help and nurture as much as I can, in whatever the situation. I want to be someone my kids are proud to call their dad. I want to help change people’s lives for the better when they need it. I want to help people find their inner strengths. I know what I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be someone who pushes their insecurities onto other people and make them feel bad. I have been guilty of that before and I carry that guilt on my shoulders. We can all help each other. We can all help people. In one way or another. It shouldn’t matter where they come from or what their background is. We are humans. We have the power to make the world a better place for everyone and everything. So let’s do it. Start with what you can control, what you can impact, and let’s grow together.

I know this is probably incoherent, but I don’t want to be in a position where I can’t answer a question like that from my kids again. I am accountable. I hope the human race can start to be accountable. If not, then what the hell are we doing? What is the point?

A challenge. Sounds stupid. And basic. But that’s me. Carry out a random act of kindness a day. Reach out to someone. Do something. Let’s try and turn the wheel of kindness in the right direction. Governments seem to be taking that power away from us with the embarrassing decisions they are making, so let’s start with the basics. One act of kindness a day. See how it feels. How it makes the other person feel. The difference it starts to make. Feel free to post in the comments what you did if you want to journal it, but let’s make a start, shall we? And yes. I know loads of you act like this already. Credit to you! Human kind needs to change on a big scale now. So let’s try and drive it.

As a side note. If anyone is struggling with anything at the moment, I have added a section on my site called ‘have a virtual coffee’. If you want to chat about anything or need to reach out in confidence, feel free to click on there and let’s have one. We can help each other take steps forward.

Thanks

JT

xx