Cafe Del Mar

The brain is a strange old beast. It sits up there interpreting thoughts, processing feelings and making decisions. It runs at incredible speeds. Deals with a lot of information. More or less defines our days. It is of major importance. Yet it is a part of the body that we probably know the least about - and it is most certainly a part of the body we think about the least.

If, like me, your brain runs patterns that are more harmful or negative than they are positive then taking some action and learning to turn your brain into a force for good is as important as other aspects of your life that you are prioritising. Changing those negative beliefs and behaviours into positive, more constructive ones should be your goal. It is the major goal I am working to - the one I have been pursuing for a while now - and the one that I will continue to follow for the rest of my life.

My brain has been running negative patters for probably around 20 - 25 years now. Beliefs that have told me I am not good enough whatever situation I am in. Beliefs that have held me back and at times made me self destruct. That often made me compromise my own needs and feelings for the good of others. Beliefs that have made me do anything I could just to try and fit in and made me hide myself away because of my horrendous physical appearance. They have got deeper and deeper over time which makes them harder to chop down and change - but nothing is impossible. One of the beautiful aspects of our mind and soul is the healing we can serve upon them by ourselves. This can be in many forms - from meditation through to reading or music through to exercise.

Music for me, is something that has always played an important role - no matter what my confidence levels or how I am feeling at that particular time. Most of those that know me are aware that Rock and Grunge are two of my favourite genres but House and Dance or Electro are absolutely up there. In fact, House music is something that I have been revisiting a lot more lately as I find that it brings a sense of euphoria that other music doesn’t. I also think that House music somehow takes me back to times when the negative thoughts and behaviours weren’t there. Or certainly - weren’t as strong as they are now. Actually I think I am right first time - I am not sure they existed. I think it represents a time when I analysed things less and just lived in the moment. I wasn’t applying the filters that are in play now and I actually felt like I fit in.

One of my absolute favourite songs / tunes from that time is Cafe Del Mar by Energy 52. An absolute pumping track that is best played loud and on repeat. It drives such positivity in me and releases some of that euphoria.

It reminds me of long evenings and nights in bars across Mallorca, near the beaches and sea where people just wanted to have fun. No one seemed to have insecurities back then (I am sure they did) - everyone just seemed to exist in the moments they were in. I think for me, it was a time of my life that was about discovery. I had gone through my years of education - most of which I didn’t like and rebelled against - but I hadn’t really found myself - I didn’t really know who I was. In a way, House music helped me do that. I found that I was good on my feet. That I could sell pretty much anything to anyone. And that people liked me and turned to me for support. Skills that I had no idea had existed for the preceding 19 or so years. They are the fundamental skills I want to retain - and more importantly that I want to remember, grow and nurture. They are also the skills that get clouded and forgotten when the fogs come in. They get shut down and cannot flourish as the negative patterns will not allow them to exist. This is the battle that I face. Almost a traditional heroes versus villains or good versus evil. At the moment the negative beliefs outweigh the positives - but the battle is on - it is a scrap - but a scrap that I am at least finally equipped for.

I think the most important breakthrough for me was figuring out what I am dealing with. I have touched on this before on another blog. It really is the hardest part. Knowing what the challenges are and how to confront them is tough. It took me a long time to get there experimenting with various coaches or methods such as CBT. But I stuck in there and found the right combination that works for me - and I will continue to follow those paths and where needed increase my engagement with them.

I have a desire to fulfil my potential. I feel like I have the ability to own any room I enter, inspire people and lead them forward. I have always been given the encouragement to do so - but I haven’t always made the most of that. I know that I am the only person to have held me back. I am working hard to release myself and power forward and I am grateful for the realisations I have had that will allow me to do that. Changing some of the energy in my brain to be more positive, noticing the times I am falling into negative patters and seeing myself more favourably are all parts of my daily life now.

I also want to support people. So if anyone reading this feels something similar, like their brain is holding themselves back - or even if they are just a little lost and need some help refocusing or moving forward then please feel free to reach out. I have had some really good conversations with people in the virtual coffee chats I have been running and I would love to hear from more - and share our stories and experiences.

Just remember - it is tough sometimes - and whatever you are going through is important and is relative. We all need support sometimes and we all need people. So please, feel free to reach out if you need to.

Keep on going and keep on being.

Thanks for reading.

JT

XXX